...Roller Coaster Christmas!

So, we just finished our first Christmas as empty-nesters!  Are we ready to fly the coop?  Maybe.  I find that life is kinda like a roller coaster right now-and so was Christmas.  I absolutely love everything about the Christmas season. Of course, defining the holiday is the fact that it is the celebration of the birth of our Savior, and the giving of the greatest gift ever!  But I love the smaller, more frivilous things also- the flickering lights, glowing candles, greenery with red bows and gold and silver ribbons and balls.  I love the music, the cheer, shopping for the perfect gifts, fudge, and stockings hung on the fireplace.  And I love sharing in all that with my family.  This year we had a wonderful time on Christmas Eve Eve and Christmas Eve with the daughters and sons-in-law.  Food is a big incentive to lure the boys, but this year I had some major flops.  It started with the chocolate chip pies I made for the neighbors.  I was talking with a friend at the same time and added sugar twice.  It was pretty amazing to watch them cook.  I knew I had for sure added it twice when a perfect round sugar disc formed over the top of the pie and hardened, causing the pie underneath to ooze out and run over into the bottom of the oven...burning and smelling badly. I did the neighbors a favor and didn't deliver them.  Son-in-law #1 had hinted strongly that if there were sausage balls, he wouldn't turn them down.  They turned into sausage discs...no idea why.  I made my wonderful meatballs in sweet chile sauce.  Today I fed the leftover meatballs to the dogs...a sign that something was wrong with them, for I've never had any left over before.  And, though they all said it was perfect, the Christmas Eve prime rib was too rare.  Still, we had a great couple days.  We were all together and had food, lots of gift-giving, and always lots of talking.

Christmas Day was different.  Usually we go to my moms and all have dinner.  This year the kids went to their husbands families on Christmas Day (marrying orphans might have been a good idea), so Bob and I went to Mom's house.  The rest of the family didn't get to come in, so it was just Bob, me, my brother, and Mom.  In true fashion, Mom and I made a large pan of dressing, gravy, ham, turkey, green bean casserole, and candied yams, rolls...and of course, pie. (Mom also made a large pan of lazagne for my brother because he doesn't like any of the other things.) Did we fail to notice there were just four of us?  We will be eating leftovers for a week!

After lunch, Bob took my brother on a four-hour errand, and Mom and I sat and looked at each other, then drank coffee and looked at each other some more.  Finally, I asked her if she wanted me to take her to visit her sister in a town nearby.  She did, so we set off for Dardanelle to visit my Aunt Luna.  We stopped by and visited my Uncle Billy Joe briefly first (he looks like Santa Claus, but smokes way too much, so we didn't visit long), then had a good visit with the aunt in her very warm house.  Afterwards, we had to go to the only gas station in the county to get more gas (Bob had our car, so I was driving Mom's and she hadn't filled up before Christmas).  Between the once-a-decade cold I had caught and the 80 degree house, I was dying of thirst and got a coke in the gas station.  When I went to pay, I opened my wallet and I didn't even have a quarter! You'd thing I would have noticed spending the last dollar I had and refilled...it is a refillable wallet, you know.  I had to have my poor old mom buy me a coke!  When we left, I asked her if she wanted to visit anyone else, and we decided to visit another aunt...and she suggested that since we were near the cemetary (actually it was another community away), maybe we could drive by there.  I started to say that cemetary visiting wasn't exactly my idea of how to spend Christmas, but decided just to go with her flow, so we drove to the cemetary where all our family on her side is burried.  Their graves were outstandingly adorned with Christmasy decorations.  Leaving the cemetary, it was on to Aunt #2's house for a visit and then home...but wait - Mom's cell phone rings.  She left her purse at Aunt #1's house.  So we drove back to that town and got the purse ... and then back to Mom's house to get dinner ready.  Well, not the most exciting Christmas day I've ever had, but not too bad either...YET.

When we got home Christmas night, my dear Sadie (aka-Wonder Dog) didn't greet us.  "This is bad," said Bob before we even got out of the car, for she is always there.  We called her, looked for her, went to neighbors houses...no Sadie.  I was heartbroken...couldn't imagine my walks without her...and all the work I put into training her.  We were both so sad.  We knew she hadn't wandered off or gone visiting.  To make a long story short, we later discovered-quite joyfully- that Bob had accidentally locked her in our closet!  She was very hungry and thirsty and needed to go potty really badly and had chewed up one old flip-flop, but if she had chewed all my leather shoes I don't think I would have cared!

So, like I said, roller-coaster Christmas...ups, downs.  May the next one be a little different!

Sorta sad...

This Sunday, Dec. 5th is the birthday of my oldest daughter, Sarah- whe would be 26.  She lives in heaven, but some day I will get a chance to spend an eternity with her.  For some reason this year is especially hard for me.  I remember her sweet little face and how unbearable it was when she died in my arms.  Her little damaged heart only beat for five days.   I continued to hold her for an hour after she had died.  The nurses waited patiently, but I couldn't give her to them...seemed as though she would cease to exist if I did, so I just held on to her.  I finally realized that I could give her to her father to hold and he could give her little body to the nurses.  I had wanted to be a mom more than anything in the world...to have a little child call me "mama" and look at me with the all-encompassing love that little children reserve for their mommy.  Going home empty-handed was one of hardest days of my life.  I have lately realized that I don't know what she thinks is funny...don't know if she loves butterflies or what kind of music she likes best. A mom should know those things.  We never got to blow bubbles or walk hand-in-hand, and she never twirled my hair around her little finger as she fell asleep.  I know the most exciting thing about heaven is being with God, but I sure look forward to getting to know my little Sarah Catherin.  Anyway, this is just a really hard, tearful time as her birthday approaches this year...much more than usual.

I don't talk about it to anyone, because I can't...so I thought I'd just write and see if it helps.  It is so hard to do this, though.  Happy Birthday little Sarah.

How to Train a Husband...and make him happy

When it comes to  husbands, I have so little advice to give. Not that he is bad,  just not really "trained."  I think he is happy, but there is room for improvement as you will see.  I have only one real bit of wisdom to share.  It didn't come from the Bible...there's lots there that is much better, but you all already know all of that.  I picked this one up all by myself - so here it is:

Sadie, the favored one

TREAT HIM LIKE A DOG!

It came from the husband himself.  He has said it often over the years.  "I wish you treated me like you treat that dog." He wants to be treated like a dog!

He likes pies.

Presently we have a highly intelligent, beautiful, well-mannered young English Shepherd named Sadie.  You can tell already that she is highly favored, can't you.  However, I don't cook Korean food (husband's favorite) or pies for her.

 I don't wash her laundry.  I don't sleep with her or plan vacations with her like I do for Bob.  So what is it that he is wishing for?

Good doggie - that's Tess, not Sadie...
The cows and donkey are also envious.

What DO I do for her?  I put her food in a bowl on the floor...that's one idea I could try, but he wouldn't be able to get back up.  I bathe her every week...actually flea shampoo might be good - husband does get fleas I think.  I take her walking and then get in the rhino and make her run another mile behind it while I speed through the field and woods because she needs lots of exercise.  Ha-that would be a sight...I can hardly keep from laughing envisioning Bob running behind the rhino!  Let's see, I have trained the dog to do sit, stay, and do a few tricks- and reward her with treats - THAT'S IT!  HE WANTS TREATS! Oh, my, I may be on to something. This could be good!

Vacation- for man, not dog

 And, I could scratch behind his ears, and rub his tummy...wonder if his leg would kick if I rubbed his tummy?

Actually, now that I really think about it, it is usually when I am petting the dog and telling her how good she is that he says, " I wish you'd treat me like you treat that dog."  We all know men like stroked-with good words and the wife's touch.  I will try that tonight...stroke his head and say, "good husband, good husband."

One of Sadie's jobs was to keep dog (that wouldn't listen) on a leash.
Bob can almost do that now already.

Wish I had some good man-treats!  I might could teach him to fetch!

Parenting a Daughter..learn from the mistakes I made. “How NOT to Raise a Daughter that Gets Married and Leaves Home”

  “How NOT to Raise a Daughter that Gets Married and Leaves Home”

Do NOT allow this!

1.  Don’t allow them to cook and clean with you from early ages.  They will be  making apple pies from scratch by age 9 and by the time they are marrying age boys will love that good food! They will also develop an often overlooked quality of self-esteem and confidence that mysteriously develops if they are functioning members of the household.  

Yep...on a pedestal

Instead, put them on a pedestal and and don’t require work of them. That way they will not only be ignorant of how to run a household, but as a bonus, they will grow up to be self-centered.

Don't even ask

2.  Take parenting really serious.  No ridiculous laughter and nonsense should be allowed - especially at dinner.  This is the place where you really must set your foot down and require obedience.  Silly jokes, poking fun at mom...all that leads to a well-developed sense of humor and might even put smile lines on their face instead of frown lines later in life.  It may seem like fun now, but remember you have their future to think about.

Dressed up as Mom and Dad

3.  This one is tricky.  Bonding and family closeness can be good or bad.  You want them to bond with the  family in a clingy, timid way so they won’t want to leave you, but use caution because bonding can also give them with stability, a sense of belonging, and help them to identity with something bigger than themselves.  We had a strong family identity and did an awfully lot of things together, and later they went out and did the same things WITHOUT Mom and Dad!  The outcome will greatly be determined by your attitudes and what type activities you do together.  Don’t take them to minister to strangers or the needy, and especially prevent them from being leaders in projects and ministries that do that...talk about a sure fire way to instill independence and spirit!  “Even a child is known for his doings,” holds true and they will develop a reputation early if you aren’t careful. 

Daughter #2 somewhere in China...brilliant

Our biggest mistake might have been in taking them to foreign countries to do missions.  That is a double deal breaker! I can’t even begin to list all the qualities that fostered!  If we had stayed home, they would never have been so comfortable going to China or Philippines by themselves later.  Let me tell you, a little girl that was afraid to leave home might have stayed home a lot longer! 

Good girls...oblivion

4. Watch lots of television and by all means give them video games to play.  We seldom watched tv and never had a video game. Our daughters spent their time reading, rambling outside with each other and animals, practicing musical instruments, and other kinds of other diversive activities that would later contribute to our present grief.  Lots of television and video games for children will occupy their minds easily and you won’t have to deal with all the talking, walking, playing, cooking, laughing, and creating that happens to curious, active minds.  Heed my warning, the results of all those meaningful activities will be obvious as they age...especially when they go to college.

Your child can either dull her little mind and sink into the easy daily oblivion that occurs in from of the electronic babysitters, and just stay in the house basking in her thoughtlessness - or get off her rear and partake in those activities that stimulate, create, and communicate...and possibly lead her down the path to med school or to be a teacher or (horror of horrors - foreign missions).  The choice is yours to make...and the kid will gladly choose the easy route if you let her!

5.  Manners and good behavior are over-rated.  I was very careful to instill decent manners into our daughters.  Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes we were a little gross, but they do know HOW to have good manners.  They were reminded to chew with their mouths closed and keep elbows off the table.  They said “thank you” and “please”...we’re Southern, so they even mastered “yes, ma'am” and “no, sir”.  They bathed daily and never had a cavity because of good oral hygiene. So what’s the problem?  

I should have encouraged more of 
this meanness...

Would most young men be attracted to a smelly, rotten-toothed woman?  Would he delight in seeing her half-chewed food and having his tea glass knocked over by her elbows before she wipes drool with her sleeve?  Get the picture? Use your own imagination now...a sweet-smelling, well-spoken girl sitting at the table...the only way you know what is in her mouth is seeing what’s on her plate. Sweet pleasant words flow from her mouth -words that provoke thought, words that comfort...but no drool.  I feel that a word of warning must be given here.  True, nice young men wouldn’t give the spoiled, smelly drool girl a second look, but there’s always a badly-behaved smelly drool guy that would, so your drool daughter must have overly high expectations for a husband for this to be effective!

...of course I was lucky enough that some of it just happened anyway...

...like being a poor loser - that is always good!

Hopefully I will be able to help you raise a timid, unattractive daughter that will not be noticed by "that" young man or be motivated to go out and establish her own life.  My goal is for others to be able to learn from my failures. 


TO BE CONTINUED

         ...it gets worse!

 

The Beginning

Let me begin by saying that I am a mom to two great daughters and wife to an amazing man. I had dreamed of being a mom like many dream of being a star, and I poured my time and energies into our daughters.  I taught them to be polite and gracious, to cook and sew, paid for their teeth to be white and straight, and encouraged them through music lessons and then college. Then, both girls dumped their father and I for good-looking shirts.  

Daughter #1 got married, left home, and started med school - so now she is very busy with her wife and doctor-to-be life. (I sure miss the cream puffs she used to make for me). 

A year later, Daughter #2 got married and moved to a foreign country on the other side of the state with her singing accountant husband and is busy helping him count. (I miss walking and talking with her.)  THAT’S what you get for helping them become beautiful, educated, talented, and well-adjusted.

You moms of young girls, just be ready for it happens in a blink.  One day you are wearing dress-up clothes and having a tea party, and the next day she’s dressed up in a wedding gown and dancing with her groom!  Maybe we should have not done braces, not corrected double negatives, let them put their feet on the table and chew with their mouths open...then maybe they would still live at home. I have given child-raising much thought and next time I will share some wisdom on how to raise daughters who won’t go to medical school or get married and leave home.

Now, that amazing man I mentioned...I started to say extraordinary, but the word looks like it should mean extra or very ordinary-and anything to do with “ordinary”  just isn’t Bob.  He is amazing, though.  He is a jack of all trades (except trades that involve electricity or engines).  Bob can do anything that involves wood, PVC pipes, or sheetrock.  And, if it can be covered with putty, mud, or masking tape, he can repair it. That isn’t really what makes me thing he is amazing, though.   He was a Green Beret in Vietnam, County Sheriff for 10 years, and is a 6th degree black belt...but that isn’t really amazing either.  

What I find really amazing is that he can burp 6 syllable words, knows every gas station attendant by name, and make me laugh when I am so mad I want to hit him.  And, though he has the “tough man” resume, everyone thinks of him as a sweet teddy bear and somehow it is me who has the reputation as the “tough” one in the family as his straight-toothed daughters coddle their teddy bear father and call him their hero!  I am constantly amazed that he manages to get me to be one to move the cows by telling me how great I am at it and causing me to think myself special for it.  Yep, I will end by saying I am mom to two great daughters and one amazing man.

Coming up:

Parenting a Daughter 101- Part 1

     ...learn from the mistakes I made.

 “How NOT to raise a daughter that gets married and leaves home”