...Roller Coaster Christmas!

So, we just finished our first Christmas as empty-nesters!  Are we ready to fly the coop?  Maybe.  I find that life is kinda like a roller coaster right now-and so was Christmas.  I absolutely love everything about the Christmas season. Of course, defining the holiday is the fact that it is the celebration of the birth of our Savior, and the giving of the greatest gift ever!  But I love the smaller, more frivilous things also- the flickering lights, glowing candles, greenery with red bows and gold and silver ribbons and balls.  I love the music, the cheer, shopping for the perfect gifts, fudge, and stockings hung on the fireplace.  And I love sharing in all that with my family.  This year we had a wonderful time on Christmas Eve Eve and Christmas Eve with the daughters and sons-in-law.  Food is a big incentive to lure the boys, but this year I had some major flops.  It started with the chocolate chip pies I made for the neighbors.  I was talking with a friend at the same time and added sugar twice.  It was pretty amazing to watch them cook.  I knew I had for sure added it twice when a perfect round sugar disc formed over the top of the pie and hardened, causing the pie underneath to ooze out and run over into the bottom of the oven...burning and smelling badly. I did the neighbors a favor and didn't deliver them.  Son-in-law #1 had hinted strongly that if there were sausage balls, he wouldn't turn them down.  They turned into sausage discs...no idea why.  I made my wonderful meatballs in sweet chile sauce.  Today I fed the leftover meatballs to the dogs...a sign that something was wrong with them, for I've never had any left over before.  And, though they all said it was perfect, the Christmas Eve prime rib was too rare.  Still, we had a great couple days.  We were all together and had food, lots of gift-giving, and always lots of talking.

Christmas Day was different.  Usually we go to my moms and all have dinner.  This year the kids went to their husbands families on Christmas Day (marrying orphans might have been a good idea), so Bob and I went to Mom's house.  The rest of the family didn't get to come in, so it was just Bob, me, my brother, and Mom.  In true fashion, Mom and I made a large pan of dressing, gravy, ham, turkey, green bean casserole, and candied yams, rolls...and of course, pie. (Mom also made a large pan of lazagne for my brother because he doesn't like any of the other things.) Did we fail to notice there were just four of us?  We will be eating leftovers for a week!

After lunch, Bob took my brother on a four-hour errand, and Mom and I sat and looked at each other, then drank coffee and looked at each other some more.  Finally, I asked her if she wanted me to take her to visit her sister in a town nearby.  She did, so we set off for Dardanelle to visit my Aunt Luna.  We stopped by and visited my Uncle Billy Joe briefly first (he looks like Santa Claus, but smokes way too much, so we didn't visit long), then had a good visit with the aunt in her very warm house.  Afterwards, we had to go to the only gas station in the county to get more gas (Bob had our car, so I was driving Mom's and she hadn't filled up before Christmas).  Between the once-a-decade cold I had caught and the 80 degree house, I was dying of thirst and got a coke in the gas station.  When I went to pay, I opened my wallet and I didn't even have a quarter! You'd thing I would have noticed spending the last dollar I had and refilled...it is a refillable wallet, you know.  I had to have my poor old mom buy me a coke!  When we left, I asked her if she wanted to visit anyone else, and we decided to visit another aunt...and she suggested that since we were near the cemetary (actually it was another community away), maybe we could drive by there.  I started to say that cemetary visiting wasn't exactly my idea of how to spend Christmas, but decided just to go with her flow, so we drove to the cemetary where all our family on her side is burried.  Their graves were outstandingly adorned with Christmasy decorations.  Leaving the cemetary, it was on to Aunt #2's house for a visit and then home...but wait - Mom's cell phone rings.  She left her purse at Aunt #1's house.  So we drove back to that town and got the purse ... and then back to Mom's house to get dinner ready.  Well, not the most exciting Christmas day I've ever had, but not too bad either...YET.

When we got home Christmas night, my dear Sadie (aka-Wonder Dog) didn't greet us.  "This is bad," said Bob before we even got out of the car, for she is always there.  We called her, looked for her, went to neighbors houses...no Sadie.  I was heartbroken...couldn't imagine my walks without her...and all the work I put into training her.  We were both so sad.  We knew she hadn't wandered off or gone visiting.  To make a long story short, we later discovered-quite joyfully- that Bob had accidentally locked her in our closet!  She was very hungry and thirsty and needed to go potty really badly and had chewed up one old flip-flop, but if she had chewed all my leather shoes I don't think I would have cared!

So, like I said, roller-coaster Christmas...ups, downs.  May the next one be a little different!

Sorta sad...

This Sunday, Dec. 5th is the birthday of my oldest daughter, Sarah- whe would be 26.  She lives in heaven, but some day I will get a chance to spend an eternity with her.  For some reason this year is especially hard for me.  I remember her sweet little face and how unbearable it was when she died in my arms.  Her little damaged heart only beat for five days.   I continued to hold her for an hour after she had died.  The nurses waited patiently, but I couldn't give her to them...seemed as though she would cease to exist if I did, so I just held on to her.  I finally realized that I could give her to her father to hold and he could give her little body to the nurses.  I had wanted to be a mom more than anything in the world...to have a little child call me "mama" and look at me with the all-encompassing love that little children reserve for their mommy.  Going home empty-handed was one of hardest days of my life.  I have lately realized that I don't know what she thinks is funny...don't know if she loves butterflies or what kind of music she likes best. A mom should know those things.  We never got to blow bubbles or walk hand-in-hand, and she never twirled my hair around her little finger as she fell asleep.  I know the most exciting thing about heaven is being with God, but I sure look forward to getting to know my little Sarah Catherin.  Anyway, this is just a really hard, tearful time as her birthday approaches this year...much more than usual.

I don't talk about it to anyone, because I can't...so I thought I'd just write and see if it helps.  It is so hard to do this, though.  Happy Birthday little Sarah.