Parenting a Daughter..learn from the mistakes I made. “How NOT to Raise a Daughter that Gets Married and Leaves Home”

  “How NOT to Raise a Daughter that Gets Married and Leaves Home”

Do NOT allow this!

1.  Don’t allow them to cook and clean with you from early ages.  They will be  making apple pies from scratch by age 9 and by the time they are marrying age boys will love that good food! They will also develop an often overlooked quality of self-esteem and confidence that mysteriously develops if they are functioning members of the household.  

Yep...on a pedestal

Instead, put them on a pedestal and and don’t require work of them. That way they will not only be ignorant of how to run a household, but as a bonus, they will grow up to be self-centered.

Don't even ask

2.  Take parenting really serious.  No ridiculous laughter and nonsense should be allowed - especially at dinner.  This is the place where you really must set your foot down and require obedience.  Silly jokes, poking fun at mom...all that leads to a well-developed sense of humor and might even put smile lines on their face instead of frown lines later in life.  It may seem like fun now, but remember you have their future to think about.

Dressed up as Mom and Dad

3.  This one is tricky.  Bonding and family closeness can be good or bad.  You want them to bond with the  family in a clingy, timid way so they won’t want to leave you, but use caution because bonding can also give them with stability, a sense of belonging, and help them to identity with something bigger than themselves.  We had a strong family identity and did an awfully lot of things together, and later they went out and did the same things WITHOUT Mom and Dad!  The outcome will greatly be determined by your attitudes and what type activities you do together.  Don’t take them to minister to strangers or the needy, and especially prevent them from being leaders in projects and ministries that do that...talk about a sure fire way to instill independence and spirit!  “Even a child is known for his doings,” holds true and they will develop a reputation early if you aren’t careful. 

Daughter #2 somewhere in China...brilliant

Our biggest mistake might have been in taking them to foreign countries to do missions.  That is a double deal breaker! I can’t even begin to list all the qualities that fostered!  If we had stayed home, they would never have been so comfortable going to China or Philippines by themselves later.  Let me tell you, a little girl that was afraid to leave home might have stayed home a lot longer! 

Good girls...oblivion

4. Watch lots of television and by all means give them video games to play.  We seldom watched tv and never had a video game. Our daughters spent their time reading, rambling outside with each other and animals, practicing musical instruments, and other kinds of other diversive activities that would later contribute to our present grief.  Lots of television and video games for children will occupy their minds easily and you won’t have to deal with all the talking, walking, playing, cooking, laughing, and creating that happens to curious, active minds.  Heed my warning, the results of all those meaningful activities will be obvious as they age...especially when they go to college.

Your child can either dull her little mind and sink into the easy daily oblivion that occurs in from of the electronic babysitters, and just stay in the house basking in her thoughtlessness - or get off her rear and partake in those activities that stimulate, create, and communicate...and possibly lead her down the path to med school or to be a teacher or (horror of horrors - foreign missions).  The choice is yours to make...and the kid will gladly choose the easy route if you let her!

5.  Manners and good behavior are over-rated.  I was very careful to instill decent manners into our daughters.  Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes we were a little gross, but they do know HOW to have good manners.  They were reminded to chew with their mouths closed and keep elbows off the table.  They said “thank you” and “please”...we’re Southern, so they even mastered “yes, ma'am” and “no, sir”.  They bathed daily and never had a cavity because of good oral hygiene. So what’s the problem?  

I should have encouraged more of 
this meanness...

Would most young men be attracted to a smelly, rotten-toothed woman?  Would he delight in seeing her half-chewed food and having his tea glass knocked over by her elbows before she wipes drool with her sleeve?  Get the picture? Use your own imagination now...a sweet-smelling, well-spoken girl sitting at the table...the only way you know what is in her mouth is seeing what’s on her plate. Sweet pleasant words flow from her mouth -words that provoke thought, words that comfort...but no drool.  I feel that a word of warning must be given here.  True, nice young men wouldn’t give the spoiled, smelly drool girl a second look, but there’s always a badly-behaved smelly drool guy that would, so your drool daughter must have overly high expectations for a husband for this to be effective!

...of course I was lucky enough that some of it just happened anyway...

...like being a poor loser - that is always good!

Hopefully I will be able to help you raise a timid, unattractive daughter that will not be noticed by "that" young man or be motivated to go out and establish her own life.  My goal is for others to be able to learn from my failures. 


TO BE CONTINUED

         ...it gets worse!