Parenting a Daughter..learn from the mistakes I made. “How NOT to Raise a Daughter that Gets Married and Leaves Home”

  “How NOT to Raise a Daughter that Gets Married and Leaves Home”

Do NOT allow this!

1.  Don’t allow them to cook and clean with you from early ages.  They will be  making apple pies from scratch by age 9 and by the time they are marrying age boys will love that good food! They will also develop an often overlooked quality of self-esteem and confidence that mysteriously develops if they are functioning members of the household.  

Yep...on a pedestal

Instead, put them on a pedestal and and don’t require work of them. That way they will not only be ignorant of how to run a household, but as a bonus, they will grow up to be self-centered.

Don't even ask

2.  Take parenting really serious.  No ridiculous laughter and nonsense should be allowed - especially at dinner.  This is the place where you really must set your foot down and require obedience.  Silly jokes, poking fun at mom...all that leads to a well-developed sense of humor and might even put smile lines on their face instead of frown lines later in life.  It may seem like fun now, but remember you have their future to think about.

Dressed up as Mom and Dad

3.  This one is tricky.  Bonding and family closeness can be good or bad.  You want them to bond with the  family in a clingy, timid way so they won’t want to leave you, but use caution because bonding can also give them with stability, a sense of belonging, and help them to identity with something bigger than themselves.  We had a strong family identity and did an awfully lot of things together, and later they went out and did the same things WITHOUT Mom and Dad!  The outcome will greatly be determined by your attitudes and what type activities you do together.  Don’t take them to minister to strangers or the needy, and especially prevent them from being leaders in projects and ministries that do that...talk about a sure fire way to instill independence and spirit!  “Even a child is known for his doings,” holds true and they will develop a reputation early if you aren’t careful. 

Daughter #2 somewhere in China...brilliant

Our biggest mistake might have been in taking them to foreign countries to do missions.  That is a double deal breaker! I can’t even begin to list all the qualities that fostered!  If we had stayed home, they would never have been so comfortable going to China or Philippines by themselves later.  Let me tell you, a little girl that was afraid to leave home might have stayed home a lot longer! 

Good girls...oblivion

4. Watch lots of television and by all means give them video games to play.  We seldom watched tv and never had a video game. Our daughters spent their time reading, rambling outside with each other and animals, practicing musical instruments, and other kinds of other diversive activities that would later contribute to our present grief.  Lots of television and video games for children will occupy their minds easily and you won’t have to deal with all the talking, walking, playing, cooking, laughing, and creating that happens to curious, active minds.  Heed my warning, the results of all those meaningful activities will be obvious as they age...especially when they go to college.

Your child can either dull her little mind and sink into the easy daily oblivion that occurs in from of the electronic babysitters, and just stay in the house basking in her thoughtlessness - or get off her rear and partake in those activities that stimulate, create, and communicate...and possibly lead her down the path to med school or to be a teacher or (horror of horrors - foreign missions).  The choice is yours to make...and the kid will gladly choose the easy route if you let her!

5.  Manners and good behavior are over-rated.  I was very careful to instill decent manners into our daughters.  Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes we were a little gross, but they do know HOW to have good manners.  They were reminded to chew with their mouths closed and keep elbows off the table.  They said “thank you” and “please”...we’re Southern, so they even mastered “yes, ma'am” and “no, sir”.  They bathed daily and never had a cavity because of good oral hygiene. So what’s the problem?  

I should have encouraged more of 
this meanness...

Would most young men be attracted to a smelly, rotten-toothed woman?  Would he delight in seeing her half-chewed food and having his tea glass knocked over by her elbows before she wipes drool with her sleeve?  Get the picture? Use your own imagination now...a sweet-smelling, well-spoken girl sitting at the table...the only way you know what is in her mouth is seeing what’s on her plate. Sweet pleasant words flow from her mouth -words that provoke thought, words that comfort...but no drool.  I feel that a word of warning must be given here.  True, nice young men wouldn’t give the spoiled, smelly drool girl a second look, but there’s always a badly-behaved smelly drool guy that would, so your drool daughter must have overly high expectations for a husband for this to be effective!

...of course I was lucky enough that some of it just happened anyway...

...like being a poor loser - that is always good!

Hopefully I will be able to help you raise a timid, unattractive daughter that will not be noticed by "that" young man or be motivated to go out and establish her own life.  My goal is for others to be able to learn from my failures. 


TO BE CONTINUED

         ...it gets worse!

 

The Beginning

Let me begin by saying that I am a mom to two great daughters and wife to an amazing man. I had dreamed of being a mom like many dream of being a star, and I poured my time and energies into our daughters.  I taught them to be polite and gracious, to cook and sew, paid for their teeth to be white and straight, and encouraged them through music lessons and then college. Then, both girls dumped their father and I for good-looking shirts.  

Daughter #1 got married, left home, and started med school - so now she is very busy with her wife and doctor-to-be life. (I sure miss the cream puffs she used to make for me). 

A year later, Daughter #2 got married and moved to a foreign country on the other side of the state with her singing accountant husband and is busy helping him count. (I miss walking and talking with her.)  THAT’S what you get for helping them become beautiful, educated, talented, and well-adjusted.

You moms of young girls, just be ready for it happens in a blink.  One day you are wearing dress-up clothes and having a tea party, and the next day she’s dressed up in a wedding gown and dancing with her groom!  Maybe we should have not done braces, not corrected double negatives, let them put their feet on the table and chew with their mouths open...then maybe they would still live at home. I have given child-raising much thought and next time I will share some wisdom on how to raise daughters who won’t go to medical school or get married and leave home.

Now, that amazing man I mentioned...I started to say extraordinary, but the word looks like it should mean extra or very ordinary-and anything to do with “ordinary”  just isn’t Bob.  He is amazing, though.  He is a jack of all trades (except trades that involve electricity or engines).  Bob can do anything that involves wood, PVC pipes, or sheetrock.  And, if it can be covered with putty, mud, or masking tape, he can repair it. That isn’t really what makes me thing he is amazing, though.   He was a Green Beret in Vietnam, County Sheriff for 10 years, and is a 6th degree black belt...but that isn’t really amazing either.  

What I find really amazing is that he can burp 6 syllable words, knows every gas station attendant by name, and make me laugh when I am so mad I want to hit him.  And, though he has the “tough man” resume, everyone thinks of him as a sweet teddy bear and somehow it is me who has the reputation as the “tough” one in the family as his straight-toothed daughters coddle their teddy bear father and call him their hero!  I am constantly amazed that he manages to get me to be one to move the cows by telling me how great I am at it and causing me to think myself special for it.  Yep, I will end by saying I am mom to two great daughters and one amazing man.

Coming up:

Parenting a Daughter 101- Part 1

     ...learn from the mistakes I made.

 “How NOT to raise a daughter that gets married and leaves home”